I was 17 when Just Dance and Poker Face came out. Just in time for me to start coming out too. This is why I stumbled upon typing the words “Lady Gaga” in the title. I hesitated, because there was a time when I would fight online about the fact that she painfully stylized it as “GaGa”.

Those post MSN days are far behind me and I am very happy to say that I follow general grammar rules when mentioning artists or songs, probably with the unconscious desire of triggering the authors of said pieces. Long story short, I went to the Chromatica Ball. An experience that literally every gay that can afford the ticket has been waiting for since 2020. Chromatica happened during the pandemic, and the tour itself was delayed in 2020 due to that lovely virus etc.

You get it, it was grim.

Anyway, along with many other gays, on the hot afternoon of the 30th of July I ventured into the guts of the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, and there I felt the first thing that was quite not fitting. I love pop shows. With all my heart. I feel like under the umbrella of capitalism they are one of the few things that really mesmerize me every time. I have been to many. And usually. Their spectators belong to the same demographic:

THE GAYS

But on the way to the stadium, male homosexuals were actually a minority. A lot of couples of all ages, families, and groups of friends of every gender. The first sign that Gaga’s status has, indeed changed. We got a lovely spot next to the B stage where I knew that the piano was hiding, and we waited until show time. The main stage hovered on one side of the stadium. Grey, serious, somehow sober and sterile. It was decorated as if it was concrete, in absolute brutalist Barbican fashion. A negative thought crossed my mind. This stage was not what I was expecting for this album.

The lack of an opening act was another problem. Yes, even before getting into the nitty-gritty of the actual concert. For a star of the calibre of Lady Gaga, in a stadium tour, it feels odd to have the spectators just at the mercy of the alcohol and the lovely electro house session that someone from the engineering team connected to the speakers from SoundCloud. I remember how Katy Perry had Charli XCX AND Icona Pop during the Prismatic World Tour. How Madonna had Robyn in 2007. How Gaga herself had DJs during the Art Rave. This is how we know that we are in an economic recession. Not because the meal deal went up 50p, but because we paid 80£ each for a concert and we were forced to stray there listening to generic 90s afro disco while sipping from extremely expensive and warm beers. Put a DJ or any combination of novel artists that have collaborated with you in the reinterpretation of your last album, I don’t know.

Oh well.

The music stops and the introduction video starts playing in the huge screen-wall that’s the stoic stage. In broad day light. Even pop stars need to submit to the British curfew rules. And the concert happens.

Everything is there. Gaga, dancers, 16-meter flames, costume changes, video projections, choreographies, atrezzo, amazing vocals, references, walks through the crowd, a piano, a touching moment and a finale. Everything works, it is a concert, a show. But I am not so sure that it’s a pop show anymore. And mind you before going to the dirt, that my face during the 97% of the concert was this:

And yes, I will talk about the last 3% of the concert that really pissed me off.

The Chromatica Ball doesn’t quite achieve what it tries to convey. Or, let me rephrase it, does not quite achieve what I want it to convey. In twitter and stan circles the reviews have been mixed. But maybe it’s because, like me, they were expecting something different.

Gaga is in her prime. She is radiant and sings better than ever. She comes across simultaneously as effortless and hard working. This is the best that I ever saw her. In the past I felt that she was doing a bit too much, too try-hard. Somehow a victim of changing into a weird costume and referencing herself over and over again. A wig, shoulder pads, a disco stick, a piano and bad romance at the end.

But this time I saw her enjoying herself. A bit more mechanical, less talkative (or just talkative enough, she used to be a chatterbox) and in general, much happier. Maybe because she is doing what she really wants this time. It is a great show. A stadium experience with enough theatrical moments and sing along for the masses.

But I am not part of the masses. It feels very anti climactic to open with Bad Romance inside a chicken wrap.

It feels off to almost not move singing a song about literally dancing. It feels counterproductive to use three of her most classic hits to open. From Alice to Born This Way everything is very well planned. Perhaps a little bit rushed even, without doing an integral use of the stage. And then, she goes down with the piano to change clothes and come back in the piano again, singing Shallow.

And here is when we stop to analyse where is really Lady Gaga going. What is Lady Gaga becoming, what has she already become.

A star is born came out on 2018, got oscarized one year after and had three years to soak and filter slowly into the collective consciousness while Chromatica’s marketing machinery slowly stopped after the meme / song of 911. As a result, my mom does not know what Rain On Me is, but she knows every lyric to Always Remember Us This Way. And this is great for Lady Gaga, because she has finally transcended from a semi niche queer diva to a full on stadium artist that is capable of keeping the masses engaged for 40 minutes only with her voice and a piano. And yes everyone will know every word to shallow. And to The Edge Of Glory. And that’s lovely and all, but I still think that after all the peppy middle section of the show, to give the audience almost an hour with nothing but Gaga and a light, is a little bit… underwhelming.

Then she switches, plays Stupid Love and Rain On Me and the concert should have ended there. But then the lights do not come up. And after the Joanne World Tour I officially hate anyone finishing with a ballad after the highest point of the show. Any pop concert should end up as an extended version of a party song, while everything is covered in lasers and confetti. Part of me was still hopeful. “Okay she might do a dark – techno redemption of Dance In The Dark or something”. And then I listened the first acoustic guitar chords of a random song that I did not even recognize, and I walked off like this:

And by the way I eluded the avalanche of people while doing it, so props to me.

Just like that the Chromatica Ball ends up being a solid 7.5/10 instead of an amazing 10/10 because of this. Someone needs to tell her to dosify the piano. And just finish with Rain On Me, it was a no brainer. And add some sparkle, confetti or something. From here, from the bottom of a gay’s heart, a message to Stefani:

Lady Gaga, my love, you don’t need to run and dance like a crazy person anymore. You are a worldwide superstar. What you need is a group of people who will tell you: No babes, it is not a great idea to open with bad romance inside an inverted traffic cone. Too much piano all at once. No, is not a great idea to close with that song.
And more concept and theatricality.

What happened with the Gaga that built a narrative throughout the show. The Gaga that made the interlude videos and the sections of the show make sense. The Gaga that told a story. That Gaga is there, somewhere. You can see it in the final spoken word piece before the finale, or in the performance or Monster, where she evokes the 2009 Gaga. She is not a victim of her persona anymore, and that’s great, but the show still needs some finessing.

It is funny how she always has been compared with Madonna and yet she somehow misses the criteria. Madonna is less of an artist and much more of a business woman, and as a very efficient business woman, she never failed to deliver a great pop show: Breath-taking entrances, reworks of her old classics, intimate moments and an effective finale.

And here we are, for the sixth consecutive time, listening to the original version of Just Dance.

Where is Dance In The Dark? The “free bitch” bit works perfectly in between Alice and Free Woman.

Where is the full-on dystopic section with an oppressive government? Paparazzi and Government Hooker after 911? Where is Plastic Doll? And Sine From Above?

A stadium rock star section with epic versions of Bad Romance, Born This Way and Perfect Illusion?

Venus? Chromatica is literally another planet. It writes itself.

As a long time Gaga connoisseur, I might just be upset seeing the possibilities of what could have been. But then again, perhaps she does not want to do that. To be that.

After the concert I see her much more as a Raffaela Carra, a Mylene Farmer. I see her more as a Bon Jovi, as a Sting. A rock stadium act that fulfils the needs of the middle class people to do something on a Saturday night.

Perhaps she does not want to be a pop star anymore. And that’s okay.